It's Parents' Weekend at a college, and this young man decides he will use his mother's visit there to tell him about his homosexuality. In a difficult moment, he explains to his mom that the architectural student he is a roommate with has also been his lover of two years. He tells just his mom because he figures she will better be able to explain it to her husband, his father.

     Upon returning home, Mom struggles with the best way of sharing this information about her only son with her husband, an ever-so-conservative and all-too busy executive. Mom knows she has to break the news gently.

     Sure enough, as soon as she returns home from the college weekend, Dad asks: "So how did the weekend go with our son, the future doctor?" She responds: "Well, the bad news is honey, you may not be a grandfather anytime soon. On the other hand, we are getting the den redecorated for free."

     My favorite Judaic saying is only four words: "Man plans; God laughs". Parents certainly always have plans on the way their children should live their lives. You, like many other people, may have subscribed to the theory that you don't care what the whole world says and knows about you, as long as your mother does not find out. Though it may have become easier and easier and for you to cope with your sexual identity, many parents still have a hard time. In fact, there is a saying that goes: " When you come out of the closet, your parents go into one."

     At least once a month, I am called upon to give a speech to a local community group or temple, and last Sunday I had a special opportunity to address and learn about a group called PFLAG- Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. This group was formed for the purpose of promoting the health and well being of gay, lesbian and bisexual persons, and their families. The three-fold mission statement urges Support, to cope with an adverse society; Education, to enlighten an ill-informed people; and Advocacy, to end discrimination and secure equal rights. Moreso, PFLAG provides opportunities for dialogue about sexual orientation, and acts to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity.

    PFLAG is a national non-profit organization with membership in over 56,000 households and over 390-affiliate chapters worldwide. There are over 30 chapters in Florida alone. The local group, which meets monthly, has a hot line telephone number is 954-916-9252. There is even a website at http//www/pflag.org/

     Neil and Syd Besen help run the local chapter. They are parents of my close friend, Wayne Besen, who many of you know from his local affiliation with the Sons and Daughters of America. Says Neil of PFLAG: "We hope to change attitudes and create an environment of understanding so that our gay and lesbian children can live with dignity and respect and total acceptance of who they are. It is our sincere desire to share our knowledge, to be free from fear, and to reach out, search and discover more about each other. We do this with sensitivity, trust, and in an environment of love."

     My thought is that you or someone you know may have a problem in dealing with your sexuality. Maybe you have not broached the subject with your parents, or maybe you have and they have not come to grips with it yet. PFLAG may be a step towards a resolution. On one hand, the group gives your parents a chance to share their feelings with other parents of gay men and women. On the other hand, it also might be a good experience for you to get a grip on how your parents might feel once you start sharing.

     Most parents stand by their kids through thick and thin. As a criminal defense attorney for two decades, I have listened to the confessions of bloody murderers, only to then have a conversation with their mother, who will demonstratively state: "My boy couldn't do a thing like that. No way. No how!" And I have heard that while having DNA evidence, fingerprints, confessions, and videos that told me something else completely.

     Hey, there is a wild way to tell your mom and dad: "Mom, the police have accused me of murder. I may go to jail for life. You may never see me again. But mom, I tell you, I swear, I am not a murderer. There is no way I would kill my boyfriend." Seriously though, the more parents we have on our side, the less there will be a need to have anyone on our side. The more we do as a community to live our lives in a healthy and productive manner, the less there will be a need for parents to create and maintain a support group for dealing with the coming out process.

     I remember the story of a young man who wanted to "do his own thing" and become a sculptor, but was persuaded by his parents to first finish college. Upon finishing college, he told his parents he wanted to be a tennis pro, but they convinced him to first finish graduate school. Upon finishing graduate school, he told his parents that he now wanted to be a music teacher, but they first convinced him to get a degree in engineering and nuclear physics.

     Finishing at the top of his class, he said: "Now, mom and dad, can I be what I want to be?" Of course, they had no doubt that their son would now do something with his career: "And what is it you want to do, son?" "Mom", he says, "I want to be a fireman." Man plans; God laughs.

     We cannot all become everything our parents want us to be, nor should we. Nor can we expect our parents to be all we want them to be. We are each entitled to the right to create our own destiny, pursue our own happiness, and become sculptors of the life that is ours. But our parents can be made partners in that enterprise. If we don't hide from them, maybe they won't run from us.