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Gay Sex in Public Places
September 22, 1999
How do you feel about gay sex in public places? Earlier this summer, many
gay leaders were genuinely upset about an article that appeared in New Times, by
writer Jay Cheshes, entitled 'Sexual Roulette.' The news piece alleged sexual
conduct in the backrooms of local bars, many of whom advertise in this and other gay
publications.
"It was not the message we want to give about the gay community," commented Dean
Trantalis, a good friend and the one time spokesperson for the ever effective
Americans for Equality. Overall, the sentiment of gay citizens, including Scoop's own
editor, Bob Kecmesty, was that the article did the gay community a disservice. Charles
Bado, who founded GUARD years ago, correctly stated that the "front page profile
shed a false light on the true life of the homosexual community; that it misrepresents the
whole by magnifying a small piece unfairly."
Historically, the truth is that gay men have routinely explored sex in public places as
outlets for liberation and self affirmation. Once upon a time, the seven B's: bookstores,
backrooms, beaches, bathhouses, bushes, bars, and bus stops- were the only places you
could go. Thankfully, those days have past, and communities like our own have a wealth of
gathering places where gay life prospers spiritually and emotionally, physically and
materially. We are no longer ostracized to secret venues. Witness Victoria Park, Wilton
Drive, or the Floridian on a Sunday morning.
The point is this, short and simple. Public sex is socially unacceptable. Our society does
not tolerate it, nor should we. If we are going to move into social and mainstream
acceptance, we are going to have to move away from hedonistic, self gratifying, public
sex. We are going to have to control ourselves more. The Sons and Daughters of America,
led by Wayne Besen, now an Associate Communications Director of the Human
Rights Campaign, said it best when he argued that you do not further your rights for same
sex marriage by rollerblading down Main Street in whips and chains. There is a time and
place for everything, and a state licensed liquor establishment is not the time or place
for people to be going down on each other, straight or gay.
Twenty-five years ago, I was a college student when I first traveled to Laguna Beach in
California with Mark Possien, who now owns Catalog X. He told me about the mountainsides
outside the Boom Boom Room, a popular gay bar. Sex on the cliffs of the Pacific, anonymous
and dark. How very special; how very gay. I checked it out, and found it very gratifying.
I don't know if that is still going on today. Probably, I would guess. I just don't think
we can justify it the way we once did. We are supposed to be out of the closets, not out
on the mountain. I don't think it hurts anyone, but sex is probably safer in your hotel
room.
In all fairness, to all viewpoints, there are those who think the sexual attitudes of our
society are socially unacceptable. Like a little postcard that I have at home reads:
"Should I accept the rules as they are, or speed their change tomorrow by breaking
them today ?" A recent feature by anthropologist Doug Feldman, in City Link , a GUARD
member, speaking on his own, argues that straight society should stay the hell out of gay
bars. He declares that if we have a relaxed standard of sexuality, society should come to
our view and accept us as we are. He's got a point.
There is a web site named cruisingforsex.com, which brags 75,000 hits monthly. You can
learn about cruising sites anywhere in America from South Florida to San Diego; from
college campuses to public parks to bathrooms in department stores. It is not a pretty
site. It does not place gay men in a good or favorable public light. But it is the truth,
and the fact that we may not like what it portrays does not make it less so. When you grow
up, you have to learn to accept yourself for who you are, warts, pimples, and all. Gay men
cannot run from past acts or present indulgences.
Local media outlets have accessed the internet cruising sites to produce stories about
lewd acts in public places during ratings sweeps. In South Florida, one tv outlet had a
field day last year with a bathroom in the Burdines at the Galleria mall. Personally, I am
on the side with Dean Trantalis. I just don't think we need that kind of publicity for our
community. But I also know what I saw highlighted repeatedly on channel 10 was not truly
reflective of our community. We all should therefore move on from the myopia of the media
outlets, and live our lives in such a way that the features in tomorrow's newspapers
depict us in a better light. We have to live our lives in such a way that the town parrot
can find out anything about us, but we still won't have to worry.
Professionally, I know how cops set gay men up and illegally entrap them. I am not about
to defend law enforcement's conduct. I challenge it all the time. As a criminal defense
lawyer, that's my job. But I can't always defend our own conduct either. If we want cops
to act more professionally, maybe we have to also act more responsibly. I don't think it
is asking too much of us to ask us to do our partners in private places rather than public
parks or neighborhood bars or beach bathrooms. If the gay community wants to be heard,
counted, and matter, then we will have to be heard more with our deeds than our dicks.
In the face of all this intelligent reasoning, I found myself, lathered to my chest, at a
Foam Party in the Saint two weeks ago. In light of my behavior therein, I now find my
strident words in this column inexcusably hypocritical. My conduct was utterly
indefensible and unacceptable. But it sure was fun. What was it that guy Doug Feldman said
? Do I really need my government to tell me how to behave in a gay foam party ? Oh, what
the hell do I know. I am as confused as the next guy. What I said sounded good. It's just
that you can't always practice what you preach.